Inspiration wanes...

Ok so my suddenly inspired blogging self is not feeling so inspired anymore! I am sick, so I sound like an 80 year old heavy smoker, and I'm coughing like one too! I had to give a presentation tonight at school with my new and improved "sick" voice which was not fun. I am almost done for the semester though! Whoo Hoo! Now, If I can make it through Christmas and manage to get some needed rest before it all starts up again in January I'll be doing good!

I was crying yesterday (which is nothing new...I'm a cryer) and it seemed like alarms went off in my house. Alex screamed "Mommy is crying!" and then ran to me and hugged me, Aubrie who heard the alarm sound, was not far behind him! Kids are so sweet and loveable. I hate it when they see me cry, it is too much responsibility for little ones, but I do love that they want me to be ok and that they are so sweet in doing it!

And to top it all off tonight Zaxby's messed up my sandwich for like the 1000th time. You would think that I would just stop going there...but I like it sooo much! :0/

Welcome to my Blog!

I was sitting and watching a blog last night, about makeup, fashion, everything under the sun really and was inspired to share my interests, fun stories, things I think with the world. So I thought...I can do that too!! So here we go, goodbye shyness, fear, and apprehension about whether anyone wants to hear what I think, because who cares! If you don't want to know....don't read it! :)

About Me...

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity".
Gilda Radner, 1946-1989

I am 30 and until now my life has been defined by my relationships with others.

I am a Daughter, a Christian, a Friend, a Student, a Businesswoman, a Mother, and a Teacher.

I am Amy Elizabeth.

I love to laugh. I am corny and silly. I love jokes that make you cringe because they are so silly. (For example, "What is blue and fluffy?", "Blue Fluff!!!" So Funny!) Most of the time, I am sarcastic. I love sarcasm probably because I am terrible with words and usually say the opposite of what I mean. I am forgiving, and loyal to a fault. I am all or nothing. If I let you in my life, I would do anything for you. I am selective. I expect a lot from people, however, I give more than I expect. I am slightly OCD about some things, and completely careless with other things. I am observant; therefore, I get to know people quickly. I have learned to believe people when they show you who they are, the FIRST time. I am still afraid of love, but warming to the idea. My heart has been broken, but is not bitter. My life has fallen apart, and that wasn’t the end. There are always pieces to put back together, and ways to reuse broken things. Therefore, I rarely throw things away. I am sentimental, nostalgic, and loving. I love math, logic, and all things that are absolute. I take comfort in them, but I am artistic. I love to be ambiguous with concrete ideas. The expression of art is in itself a puzzle, sometimes with a concrete solution, but often times with a solution that is individual. Math is in that way art as well. Solutions can be concrete or individual. Exploring that is mind boggling. I love teenagers, and never want to be so old I can’t relate to how they feel. I am a teacher. I teach math because I love math, I teach teenagers because I love teenagers. I hope to spread that love of math to them, and continue the cycle. I have a tender heart, I am saddened by the injustice of the world, yet my own unfair experiences have hardened me somewhat. I am compassionate, and have an amazing ability to empathize with other people. I am now in my 30's, I haven’t taken enough road trips, I haven’t been to a roller coaster in 8 years, I am not settled where I will grow old, and I don’t know where my career will take me. However, I have experienced love and loss, I have lost and regained the need for adventure, I have babies who are lifelong companions, I know what I love to do, I am pursuing my passions, I have a family who loves me, I know who I am and can be confident, I know Whose I am and therefore I am firmly planted. I look forward to my 30’s, I am wiser, younger, and happier than I was in my 20’s and that means they can be nothing short of fabulous!

"I urge you therefore brethren in view of God's mercy, present your bodies as a
living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, This is your spiritual act of
worship. Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world but be
transformed by the renewing of your minds, then you will be able to test and
approve what God's will is, His good pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2

"I am still not all I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear on
this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I
strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God is
calling us up to heaven because of what Christ Jesus did for us." Phillipians
3:13-14 

A beautiful picture, but I can’t put the pieces together...

Last night I was talking to a friend and I made a comment that my life was a mess. We discussed this at length and I was left unsure of why I feel that way. After all, I have 2 beautiful children, a wonderful family that is loving and supportive, a beautiful house, almost a masters degree, a job that is fulfilling intellectually and emotionally, and I have friends who love and support me.
Who could ask for more? I know I shouldn’t.

Yet I still feel that my life is a mess. Somehow I have become many different people and I am pulled in so many different directions. I am a mother, that is separate from the student, who is still separate from the teacher. Do you understand what I am saying? I have friends and I have family yet they don’t seem to form a cohesive group and I am left feeling disconnected in all areas of my life. I have a beautiful picture but it is all in pieces. How do I put the puzzle together without changing the pieces? Is that possible? How do I join all the pieces so that I feel like I am not neglecting one thing to pursue another? I’m not sure if any of that it is possible. Can I be a good student and not neglect my teaching? Can I be a good mother and not neglect everything else? How do I even know what I want to be when I am pulled in so many different directions?
I have often said that I embody the phrase "a jack of all trades is master of none". I am not sure that I can continue this. My perfectionism runs too deep, and the passion for the things I love is too overwhelming. So what do I do?

I’m not sure yet, but beginning to somehow mesh all the parts of my life together is going to be a start.

life in the fast lane...makes you thankful for the small moments!

I never cease to be shocked and suprised at how my children teach me about life. I have moments when the stress and pressure of all that I have going on make me lose sight of what is really important....
Last night I was making dinner (3 different things because my kids won't eat the same things, they are both picky but they don't like the same things...) after I had finished the main course (scrambled eggs for me and Aubrie, and Mac and Cheese for Alex) I took a notion to make pancakes. Aubrie praised me for twenty minutes and ate all of them (they weren't that good). She said "mommy you are the best mommy in the world, you are the best cooker ever, you are good at school, good at everything....and on and on...
I am not sure where that praise came from but I needed to hear it. Not only was she encouraging me to see myself through her eyes, I was thankful to know that I have taught her to be open and free with her praises, to love and to be kind. I am always afraid that in diciplining my kids I don't communicate love often enough. Her uprising of praise certainly makes me feel like I am doing an OK job.